13 Reasons Massage Therapists May Be Magical Creatures

We all know that massage therapists are the most amazing carbon based life forms ever. EVER. Here are 13 of the reasons.

  1. They can conjure muscle tissue. They always find that muscle we didn’t know we had. psoas
  2. Thou She Be Little, She is Fierce. Shakespeare was probably taking about his massage therapist. Why is it that the  smaller the therapist is, the stronger they seem?shakespeare
  3. They are laundry witches. They fold fitted sheets. Correctly. On a regular basesfitted-sheet-folding-instructions
  4. THEY ARE KILLERS Massage is a natural Pain killer.
  5. They should reside on Mount OLYMPIANS. Well they help Olympians at least. In the 1996 in Atlanta the games had massage therapists for their athletes for the first time.
  6. They have charms. Massage lowers blood pressure, making that high strung individual tolerable.
  7. They Make Drinking Water Hip. You will gladly drink down as much plain water or water with lemon or cucumber or lime as long as you get your effing massage!
  8. They are Knot Whispers. Knots magically make themselves known the second you find out your in the presence of a massage therapist.
  9. They can make you do anything.   Seriously how many people heard of smudging before their therapist told them about it. What about Forest bathing? Or Grounding? Now you will walk around you home with some dried Sage after a long walk in the woods where you stood barefoot and wonder how you survived before. AdobeStock_98380766.jpeg
  10. They make you taller. Not really, Well maybe, if you really don’t have great posture.
  11. They put you to sleep.  Much like the evil villain in a princess carton of the 90s, but without all the poison, massages always seem to make us fall asleep even when we say to ourselves ” This time I’m going to stay awake to enjoy…..ZZZZZ”.
  12. They Enchant You.  You in the room with the weight of the world on your shoulders and you come out with glassy eyes and not quite knowing how you are going to get home.
  13. They May Have Perfected the Love Spell. You find yourself asking someone you barely know to marry you.  Don’t do this anymore, its creepy. No really. Stop,  your embarrassing yourself.